I keep hearing, “MOM, MOM, MOM,” as I walk around my apartment.
My daughter left for college this fall. I was expecting a reasonable amount of sadness and nostalgia, but I wasn’t prepared to hear the echoes of her voice around the house. No one prepares you for the empty nest syndrome experienced after your only child packs up to leave for college.
I spend most of my days in her room, lying on her bed, watching anime. I tell my boyfriend that I must keep her spirit alive in her room. It’s the only way to deal with what isn’t really loss but rapid change. Change that feels like loss because everything is different.
My life since the age of 17 has been wrapped around her; every decision was made with her in mind. Even my pursuit of becoming a fashion designer and going back to school at the age of 23 was made to make sure she had a future I could provide for.
And even as that dream was stripped away by the disenchantment of the industry and the low wages they provide, I still have hope that my art and skills could, in the near future, provide the lifestyle of our dreams.